College Life

College Life

College life is very scary

I don’t know but my sister Mary

Member of a different clan

Yet, aren’t we all the everyman?

Hey, some people yeah, they’ll harass...

Well, all you clowns can kiss my ass!

College life is very scary.

Just ask her - will she dare remarry members of

Her- 

Ocean- 

Mama- 

Clan?

M u s h r o o m  m e  t o  d e a t h .

M u s h r o o m   m e   t o  d e a t h .

College life- Oh, it is scary.

College life- it’s VERY scary!

E P I T O M E O F A G O N Y

THE EPiTOME OF AGONY

The epitome of agony is incompletely now.

The struggles cease conflicting,

noting that somehow…

Reliance of assurance,

confidently scrounge.

Stress the incohesion,

noting that somehow...

A thread of common nothing

may seem alright for now.

But never cease the sunlight,

bringing us somehow.

let us leave the mildew.

let us breathe the grime.

let us wash our fingers.

lucid is the crime…

May happiness bring sorrow.

Then i'll know i've gained.

There's nothing in tomorrow,

lest we feel the pain.

Do Diffuse My Dejavu

Do Diffuse My Dejavu

Humor me for a brief, sparse moment.

Hear me out as I preach to you.

I've had this moment once before.

Do diffuse my dejavu.

...as I recall this moment

I am about to write about a bombing, a death…

The loss of human life. Just because I couldn't

take it anymore. I couldn't stand it.

He just didn't shut up, always talking and talking.

Just nonsense and psycho babble.

I pray one day I'll forget his face and name.

That nothing will even remind me of him.

But, something tells me that I will have a dejavu

and he will be there, to bring back the unresolved,

The unremembered.

I need to go out to the country,

or better yet to the forest preserve but,

now it's full of snow.

Wrapping my neck with my wool scarf,

sliding on my soft, black, leather gloves,

adjusting my warm, black, rabbit fur earmuffs,

I will walk into the piercing winds of my home town, Chicago.

My cheeks grow blush

as I fumble for my keys.

Shivering, I start the car.

Seeing my breath,

I'm chilled to the bone,

it reminds me of how lonely I am.

I'll have to shovel the driveway when I get back home.

Backing into the street I wish I was able to smell the flowers.

Oh, how pretty the were in the springtime.

All I've got to look forward to is the Super bowl and I hate football.

Humor me for a brief, sparse moment.

Hear me out as I preach to you.

I've had this moment once before.

Do diffuse my dejavu.

===VINE SCHEMATIC===

                                                                                                    

BREACHED BY BELLIGERENCE,
INHERENTLY LURKING 

IN MY SURROUNDINGS...

I NEED THIS.   I NEED THIS.

AS THE AMORPHOUS
FOLIAGE BLEEDS, 

IT SEEMS SO PRETENTIOUS
TO BE WITHOUT OR

DO WITHOUT BLISTERING BLISS, SO MALIGNANT AS TO INFECT MY ENTIRE SCHEME.

PAINT ME A RAINBOW.
PAINT ME A RAINBOW.

I SEEM TO REQUIRE NEED. 

I NEED TO REQUIRE EVERYTHING.

SPOIL ME OH FOLIAGE.

FILTER MY IMPURITIES. 
RELEASE MY RESOLVE.

A DEAD TREE STANDS SURROUNDED BY LIFE.  

STRIVING STILL FOR THE SUN.  

STILL FOR ENERGY.

STILL FOR ME.

CLOUDS BELLOW IN THE AIR.

FORMING WONDERFUL  YET, 

SOMETIMES IRKSOME FIGURES.

BRING ME WATER.
BRING ME WATER.

I AM A DESERT IN NEED. 
SHAPE MY OASIS.

COLOR IT WITH THE MOST SPLENDID SCENE.

CLANDESTINE EMOTIONS EXPLODE WITH INTENSE RAGE OR IS IT LOVE? SORROW? GLEE?

FEEL ME.
FEEL ME.

MY PALATE REQUIRES IMMEDIATE ATTENTION.

I WILL WAIT...

I WILL WAIT...

Encountering Shiity Peeple

This MEME is concerning how The Good and Powerful Gardner, who provides constant, ever changing/shifting/nourishing/encouraging roles for me as well as for all of others in our Garden of Eden allows us and helps us to grow in our own natural ways.

One of The Gardener’s Ways is knowing when I’m ready for my next stage of growth. Upon being ready for growth, The Gardener may choose to bring another and/or others directly into my life at the exact same time for the most effective and prosperous effect to play the role of The Fertilizer.

There are many other steps in the growth process and will of course have there own purpose and design. My part is to keep growing. Yes, more fertilizer may be needed some of the times or not. My growth depends on both my inner world being nourished as well as my outer world. If others appear to play the role of fertilizer in my life, I can choose to judge them or realize maybe The Gardener is the one responsible for their, so called, sudden appearance. This reminds me of when I chose to take Improv classes Second City, here in Chicago. When performing Improv, the first rule is:

1) YES! AND+++

As a growing flower in The Garden, I’m learning to be grateful for those who The Gardener brings onto the stage I happen to be playing on and thus, I may choose to bring a childlike and playful attitude of YES! (agreeing and accepting others entering life) and then AND+++ (adding benevolently to our circumstance or not).

Sometimes, my role is clear, when it is not, remembering the Yes And+++ Principle helps my growth as well as others. One more matter. I may not distinguish when or if I’m ever growing. I think I may feel it so, when I focus on the realization that “I’m not running the show!” and neither are any of the other flowers I see, feel, hear, smell and/or taste. Suddenly I may sense some sort of Peace and Serenity knowing “The Gardener is Running The Show!” AND I am the Star of My Show just as everyone else is the Star of their own Show. Together, we can all put on a spectacular performance! 

Remembering that tragedy plus the proper amount of time will equal a comedy is the essence of drama. The Show must go on! Exit stage left anyone? Introspection often leads to a plot twist or a new direction. Remember, we are the show, we don’t run the show.

What a Performance!! I can choose to applaud everyone I meet, will meet and will never meet. We’re all a part of this Performance known as: 

BEING ON PLANET EARTH!

Gardner, thank you for all the Shiity Peeple you’ve brought into My life. I’m always ready for any role you may have next for me to play. I say Yes to your direction. Once again, it’s time to grow up, right?

WRINKLED RAIN

Wrinkled Rain

Rainy Wrinkled Times
Raking me to submerge
my tools of anarchy
into the folds of Time
still dripping wet.

Sublimed forces steer me to the Gorgeous Gargoyles,
          conjured by Pagans
to devour my flesh
          and bones.
Their fangs
cling to my flesh and blood.

Powerlessness envelopes my raging soul
          Rainy Wrinkled Times
                    Waking to a forgotten tomorrow.

          Rainy Routines - wrinkle the seams
and Time holds the stitches together.

                     Sunrise approaches;
          I hail Venus to stop the madness,

But the Sun rises
          in the East
Scorching my remains,

Only to call the Vultures
to consume my carcass
bloody and all.

OUR GAME OF HIDE AND SEEK

Hide & Seek is it a pointless game?   We can never find a good hiding place, no matter how much effort we invest. Why do we bother playing? Why does it always seem like a fun idea? Why are we addicted to playing this game? By now, we know, we believe and we somehow understand we will be found.  In fact we're counting on it. Do we love the attention?  Do we love the fact someone cares enough to seek us and find us every single time we want to play?  Can it be we default to this game because it's simple and easy to play?  What kind of VALUE does Hide & Seek provide for us and to all of the others surrounding us?  How fruitful is Hide & Seek?  Do we really want to play another game?  We do not ask this question because we've taken great efforts to separate ourselves from The Others in Our World.  Deep down, we might feel we desire separation.  Even though as a human being we are already separated from the rest of Our World.  We do only have ONE body, right?  What most of us truly desire is not separation.  WE TRULY DESIRE CONNECTION. 

If we ever wonder about this, let’s say by actually connecting with our Mind and maybe even our Heart and yes, we can choose to include our Spirit as well, we may realize that any type of connection we desire to have will do just fine.  Have you ever considered why we are able to talk to each other?  Is it so we can separate ourselves form Our World of wonderful Human Beings?  This can’t be, right?  Being able to talk and communicate with each other  on this Plane of Existence must have been designed for the Purpose of Connection; its got to be!  

At times, it seems we’ve made Our World so small we may sometimes find ourselves truly isolated as we live on this big, beautiful and wonderful world.  Yet, at times we may feel a force telling us false truths.  Feeding our minds misdirection, misinformation and misguidance.  Have we discovered a new place to hide once again?  YES, SUCCESS!! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, WE FINALLY FOUND OURSELVES ANOTHER AWESOME HIDING PLACE!!  Only now, some of us may may have doubts and may struggle to recognize when God sends someone loving to tell us:

Nice job. Wow, this time you truly put a lot of effort and energy in finding this very exclusive and isolated hiding place.  Well, I heard you wondering and wondering how on earth are you going to ever get out of this one!  So, I'm  tapping you on your shoulder and happily saying “I’ve got to run!”, because now it’s your turn, once again! 

“TAG, YOUR IT!”

So this is what it may take until we suddenly begin our quest to seek and find God.  This quest can bring a real, true and powerful spiritual awakening.  God can be anywhere and everywhere at the same time.  Oooh, scary… Oooh, full of Power.  God is good because he provides His help and makes our journey as simple as can be.  Finding God can be accomplished with a few simple steps.  Developing honesty, an open mind and willingness makes our journey easier.  The greatest spiritual awakening for some about playing Hide & Seek is realizing we’ve always had our freedom.  When we were hiding, our freedom was hiding with us, as well.  Where do u think it would go? .  We we’re always choosing  whether or not to give up searching for God and go back to finding a better so called hiding spot.  I don’t know about you, but my fear wants me to think God will leave me behind one day and I would have to live in this world on my own -without His Love.  This is for real scary, scary…  

Now I know, God is available for me in any moment I choose to seek Him.  Living with this knowledge, I do not wonder if I will ever be alone again.  I’ll still be able to stray along the way and know if I ever seek God I’ll realize, God is Everywhere.  Under every rock, inside every person and surrounding every situation in the form of Acceptance.  Seeking God, I’ve discovered this peculiar formation called Resentment; its the way my mind tricks me into fleeing His Acceptance of The Others and begin the flooding of my entire body with the shiver and chill of very ill feelings.  Ill feelings which stab me down to the bone.  

When I can figure out how to shake these feelings off, I may once again open up my sleepy eyes and joyfully begin to realize their is a force up up in those skies and all those years of Hide & Seek God was always there, watching me, loving me and allowing me to be as free as I chose to be.  You see, we’ve always brought great joy to God each time he saw us coming back.  Even when we left His grace, His heart reached out in every hiding place.  We seemed to know He was always around by feeling his presence and hearing his sound.  God’s Love is something I can’t seem to deny.  No matter how hard I try and try.

Hide & Seek is a game I can play once more.  

God gave me free will, I can choose which door.

John Tzortzis

April 5, 2016

3:07AM

LOVE VERSUS FEAR

Love Versus Fear

Love heals sadness;  Love heals pain.

Love makes everything remain.

Love is never ever different.

Love is always just the same.

Fear is likely to depress.

Don’t want to be around that mess.

Fear is always masquerading.

Leading straight to wickedness.

Fear likes subtraction and division.

Love knows to add and multiply.

Fear brings doubt from out of nowhere, 

Love will serenely simplify.

Fear keeps tempting me to travel

Down some path that I should take.

Love quickly points and now I see 

Up ahead there is a snake.

Fear keeps trying to hide Its nature 

Ever since the fall.

Love knows every hiding spot.

It did create them after all.

CLEAN SOUL

Clean Soul

Disinfecting The World of Disease

Surrounding Us as we’re on our knees.

Praying For this madness to stop, stop, stop.

Our Tears cry out from the pain within.

Our Love inside Will Always Win.

Protect us Lord We’re Ensnared Again.

Disinfect the Disease we keep letting in.

Wherever We Turn on this World of Ours,

It Bombards Our Senses;  Shall we look towards Mars? 

The Warrior who’s Deep Inside.

Our Hidden Protector;  

The Force We Hide.

For me you placed Him in the last House on the block.

Filled him with a Regal Flair and the Precise Fusion of 

A Determined, Gutsy and Valiant Power to Defend along with an

Obvious, Devastating and Diabolically fierce Desire to Destroy

Any hideous evil in my surroundings!

Thank you Lord, for this Warrior Force.

I know it must only be respectfully brought into battle.

It is not for the faint of heart.

I will discern using its devastating power.

The wounds it blows inside the ENEMY

Exposes The SAME DARKNESS 

Which Attempts to COVER THE TRUTH.

LORD, YOUR TRUTH CAN NOT BE HIDDEN

And My Warrior will prevail

To Uncover the Darkness

Which Drove The Nail 

into your Flesh just a few moments Ago.

This petty Darkness needs only one thing to know:

TRUTH CAN NOT BE HIDDEN.

The LORD May Judge the Living and the Dead.

Choosing to possess a dark spirit, void of light, will reap rewards such as:

A Fearful Existence of Death, Stagnation and Self-Condemnation.  

This reactive state of mind can easily be obtained with little effort, 

minimal resistance and no vision.

Choosing to possess a Light Spirit, Full of Light, will bring fruitful rewards of

Love, Growth and Freedom.

This mutually rewarding state of mind, body and soul can easily be provided through a grateful, obliging and unceasing spirit.

Open Our Mind.

Open Our Heart.

So, Our Spirit May Flow With Every Part.

WILDERNESS LACE

WILDERNESS LACE

Drab repetition...                     Seek less the Mission.

                     Fireside taverns of wood.

           Log  the  altruistic,  vertical  firmness.

             The indefinite bleakness of should.

        As I see the new form of the car of the year,

                  I belch, and I puke, and I roar.

        I will fondle the breast of a woman I see...... 
as her nipples get harder than diamonds of the most sparkling kind, flashing amorphously - voluptuously...

               I yearn at the curve of her lips.

               So red with passion,

               and the rose in her cheek,

               make mountainsides bleak

      while the curious sleep...

         I long for a taste of meat that's so fine!  Yes, an elegant compliment to the most fine red wine.

              If content be the word

then my humble abode

                    would invite such a curious guest.

         Oh, the Tower of Babel

would stumble and fall

         for a creature divine as this miss.

              Through a jungle I'll crawl

              and a giant I'll maim

              to be with this wonderful soul.

         Yes, prudence,

              essential of course to this feast,

              what must it demand for a toll?

                      All of my severance

                      surrendered to you.

                      Yes, so tax me again 'till I bleed.

              As the haze of your icon

                       encompassed delight,

                           full of rapture and warmth

                              of a solace 

                                 so surely assumed, 

                                    for the humblest of nature...

                                                              ...Indeed!!

HARVEST OF MINE

HARVEST OF MINE

I am the master of the mundane.

I have turned it into a game.

Joy will spring up for me to gain...

as I nurture my seeds of pain.

CIRCLE IDEAL

C I R C L E    I  D  E  A   L

Sitting here alone trying to understand.

Trying to be a loving man.

Trying to comprehend between right and wrong.

I wonder if I’ve been on this Earth to long…

If it wasn’t for the summer coming after the spring.

We would just fall into winter again.

So, I’ll wait till Sunday;

go to church on time

and after the sermon I will drink the wine

and then I will shout:

Father forgive me, for I have sinned!

Please, please father take my confession!

Please take me in…

And that is the circle that always prevails

From April’s showers until August hails. .  .

John Tzortzis

oNCE AGAIN, oNCE Mo RE

oNCE AGAIN,  oNCE  MoRE

The distance beyond the amateur

abused by not just few.

Appealing to prospective folks,

seeking news from you.

Clip the monstrous beings, when

their fangs shine with delight.

Oh, princess, damsel, luscious lips,

have passion.  Glow with fright.

Lessen the weight proclaimed to me.

I sit in vain, with misery.

Trivial matters none at all;

Outrage, abusing alcohol.

Tear the pain.

Let's flail the flesh,

while long, red, manicured fingernails

moisturize in gel.

Burn up mortal industrialized, Manchurian,

apathetic chimp of an ape, less a mind for escape.

Run in caverns long & wide.

Feel the dampness cold and wet.

Can you digest recycled jargon spinning from infinity,

as it funnels into your inkling body.

The gastric juices eXplode; as a sense of reminiscence,

familiarity, is felt, but then the polarity of the grand facade 

makes you run to your porcelain god of yesteryear,

for a sudden upheaval; only then to safe in the grace of

Nirvana.

Strangers surround you.

Once again.

Once more.

DIMMING LIGHTS

D I M M I N G   L I G H T S

When I honestly try

to connect with The Light

from my loving Higher Power

whom I now call Divinity,

my prayer provides me

with a day immersed with

proper direction, meaning and purpose.

When I choose to ignore connecting

with His Light, does a Darkness feel

this lack of Light as

a cold, cold invitation?

Could it be possible

I let The Darkness in whenever

I do choose too sin?

Is a Darkness systematically beginning to

forcibly enter each of the rooms

of my somewhat well lit home

by ways of an unwarranted invasion?

Is a Darkness carelessly pillaging headstrong

with a certain and destructive agenda

to bust down the doors of

my sacred rooms which

it can not call its own?

Does a Darkness promptly proceed

some seemingly unfounded

dastardly duties of

shutting off each light

I've managed to turn on

one by one by one?

Is this Darkness acting childish, once again?

My solution is to invite His Light,

where Darkness cannot exist.

Time for repentance, once again, once more.

For this is what the battle is for.

Darkness flees quickly, for His light means death to it.

Darkness seeks solace in dark, dark shadows,

dark caverns running deep and wide

in remote recesses where

filthy and sultry secrets can be kept.

Fearing only exposure to Light.

Its dark out there

without prayer.

Vigilant prayer is The Way.

The Darkness is always

looking for some way in.

Keep guard at all of the portals.

Keep guard all day and night.

Discover all The Darkness and

Gently bring it into The Light.

THE ROLE OUR TEARS PLAY WITH DISCERNING OUR DIVINE DIRECTION

THE ROLE OUR TEARS PLAY 

WITH DISCERNING OUR DIVINE DIRECTION

Tears shedding, dripping... I feel my throat clenching, fighting with tiny spams as my chest whimpering, anticipating the drawing of a fresh new breathe.

Holding, resisting... my nose begins quietly flaring then fully outstretching in meek disobedience to release the childish  arrogance of self will and salute the One And Only True God.

With my head bowing down contemplatively.

Gratitude, forgiveness and clarity are humbly bestowed. Blink, blink. Blink blink.

Now, my eyes can clearly see the words I know will appear along the top third of the not so random youtube video showing a glimpse shot captured many, many moons ago of a rustic old world village which is a just outside of a forgetful metropolis, made up of thousands of interesting yet quantifiable people like me. 

The title fades in with dramatic force, in all bold white non sarif letters:  ‘The Conditioned’.

My struggle fades as I begin to embrace this new breathe and invite it into my somewhat relaxed throat. Becoming fully aware as it autonomously glides into my blessed lungs. I feel the rhythmically force of expansion and contraction persistantly continue the dynamic distribution of life energy to the rest of my able body.  Simultaneously feeling my ever so magnanimous and heroic heart bringing me a gentle, yet stern reminder of what I already know so well:

  

I’m always exactly where I’m supposed to be.

My tears once again reminding me, ever so kindly of my humble soul which gently flows in this present awareness:  

God is everywhere. 

My grateful tears flow as a simple and loving reminder; I can only do my part:

God is running the show.

My tears are the way God directs me to remember my part, to encourage me to follow my dream and to remind me He’s placed others to help me along the way and they too will be exactly where they're supposed to be.

God, thank you once again for helping me bring these tears to my eyes, so I may realize the role our tears play with discerning our divine direction.

Looking forward to the next tears.

Keep up you’re perfect timing.

Wipe, wipe…

Pray, pray...

H O U R. U P O N. H O U R.

H O U R.   U P O N.   H O U R.

hour upon hour

coming out of the blue

if I were without you,

what would I do?

hour upon hour

just slipping away

if I were without you, 

what would I say?

MARCH AND A ROSE

MARCH AND A ROSE

PINK BUBBLED JAIL CELL

I’M INSIDE

OTHERS SURROUND ME 

YET I HIDE

I TRY TO INVITE THEM

WILL THEY COME?

MARCH AND A ROSE

ONE BY ONE.

ANNA IS The Zseia

ANNA IS The Zseia

CALIGRAPHY IS  NICE TO SEE

BOUND BY DARKNESS, YET I SEE

DEEP IN THE OCEAN
DARKNESS GLOOMS

LIGHT IS FADING IN MY ROOMS

BRIGHT COLORED CANOPIES LACED WITH VINES

WILL THEY BREAK
OR
WILL THEY SHINE, 

OR

SWAY, IF THEY MAY, 

WELL MAYBE TODAY......

IF I COULD JUST SWALLOW, 

I’D CALL FOR APOLLO

HE’D RANT RAGE AND CALL

HE’S NOW SEEN IT ALL

 AND

THAT IS HOW
IT
MAY BE.